Bitterness is a choice. It is a limiting choice, a poisoning choice, a toxic choice…but a choice nonetheless. Peace and Happiness are choices too, moment to moment to moment choices to be made again and again based on our idea of our worthiness for them. Bitterness may be easy to fall into, whereas peace and happiness often are hard-won and irrational. We choose what we want and believe we deserve.
We can also choose what we think punishes another…and that costs us dearly. It’s just us chickens here, all stumbling toward the light and losing and finding our way but bitterness keeps the way dark and difficult and painful.
I have had my own personal journey with this choice. Who doesn’t, when we’ve arrived at our third or fourth or fifth or sixth decade of life as Clarissa Pinkola Estes suggests? We’ve had challenges, losses, heartbreaks, fallen down, gotten up, been betrayed, disappointed and grief-stricken. And bitterness can seem like a comfy, self-righteous, well-deserved perch…for a while. Until we understand what we give up, what it costs us and how much it damages our tender, vulnerable hearts to keep that spikey, hard, toxic energy going.
Bitterness does not create a safe space for our hearts, no matter ego’s protestations to the contrary. Our vulnerability is our treasure. Period. And to live in the illusion that we are not vulnerable is to live a life skimming the surface of our souls. When I released bitterness…and it was, yes, and conscious choice, I can even remember the day….my heart lightened, my soul soared, and I smiled more and loved more freely, and felt more hopeful. Does it get any better than this?
We do get to feel our feelings, walk with our true grief from the losses of all kinds that we experience…and we get to keep returning to peace and happiness over and over. It’s not one or the other, it’s the paradox of human existence that we can and do feel more than one thing at a time. We can manage that, yes we can.
Love is all, and all is love, and you and I are worth it.
Janice Masters, The Shaman Mama www.JaniceMasters.com
Let’s chat if you’d like some support around walking with loss, disappointment and grief, and want to avoid the bitterness trap. CONTACT me and we’ll arrange for that chat.
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It’s so true; when we realize the power we have of the choices that are ours to make, well… wondrous things can start to come about and truly transform our lives. I am so grateful for all the messages, recommendations, etc. received along my path, especially those mind blowing, life changing ones within the past 5 years, from so many friends, including you, that have enriched my life and made my day to day existence mainly joyful! Thank you, Jan, for all your reminders, tips for the surroundings we choose to envelope us… such a difference; and when it is in any one life, it is in the world.
Lynn, like you I am swimming in a fabulous river of encouragement, reminders, suggestions and teachings and am so grateful for that! I am happy to be adding to your flowing river and thrilled that we have the awareness to change our lives…and as you say, change the world. xo ~Jan