Women’s People-Pleasing and the Ties That Bind

Are you an INDY Woman who knows that your Soul is crying, “I’M. NOT. DONE. YET!” but you’re not really moving toward whatever it is that’s waiting for you? Is it possible that you’re allowing the expectations of others to determine whether or not you move forward toward your dreams? Sometimes people that we love have ongoing expectations, or even demands of us that kind of hold us hostage…because we allow them to.

 

In fact, this pattern can be so powerful a deterrent that we don’t even allow ourselves to KNOW what those withheld dreams ARE!! Can you imagine! These are the ties that bind us and keep us from our true personal freedom.

 

If you are finding it challenging to extricate yourself from these kinds of patterns, you’re not alone. Are you always are willing to go the extra mile for those you love? You’re in very good company with a lot of women! Now ask yourself if you love yourself enough to go that extra mile for yourself.

 

If you’re discouraged and feeling a bit hopeless about things changing, and you truly want to be freer, happier, more alive, and more excited about life, then it may be time to decide that it’s your turn now.

 

The definition of a functional relationship is one in which everyone’s needs get met. The problem arises when the two people in the relationship have different, opposing needs. Then the relationship becomes dysfunctional…and someone’s needs don’t get met, and you are faced with a decision about whose needs ARE going to get met, yours….or the other person’s.

 

Who do you think you’re responsible for during your time on this earth? You’re the one you need to take care of, but that’s not what girls have historically been trained to do. And very often, when you take a good look at those dysfunctional relationships, you’ll probably notice that the other person is busy taking care of his or her own needs. And that’s ok. That’s actually a good thing! And perhaps a good model for you!

 

It’s the people-pleasing patterns that keep us stuck, keep us in need, and render the relationship dysfunctional. But, your soul is crying out for something different. So is it time yet? Is it time for you yet? Is it time for you to be free? Or are you supposed to wait longer? Are you supposed to keep taking care of other people, and giving yourself the message that it’s not your turn yet?

 

If this kind of talk scares you, good! Good, because it means that it really strikes at the core of what’s holding you back. And at that core are the old rules about the need for others’ approval, acceptance, and yes, even love, that were programmed into you long ago and that still convince you that YOU are the one who needs to compromise, sacrifice, and not be yourself. All so you can continue to tap into the supply of that approval, acceptance, and love from others. Are you sick of it yet?

 

If you are, understand that taking care of yourself doesn’t have to mean abandoning loved ones. It just means that as you change, they’ll have to decide to get with the new program of your self-love, self-respect, and self-care….or not. They do get to decide.

 

This is such a huge issue for so many women. We are taught to take care of others, to place their needs first, and that if we don’t, we are SELFISH <gasp!>. Well ok, so in order to shift that common thinking pattern, I created the term *Sacred Selfishness*. This means that you are charged with a sacred duty to care for your SELF. Got it? SELF. SACRED. SELFISH. Put it together. *Sacred Selfishness*! And give yourself permission.

 

It’s very hard for an INDY Woman whose Soul is crying out “I’M. NOT. DONE. YET!” to move forward without being Sacredly Selfish and essentially, telling her loved ones to stop relying on her to sacrifice herself to their needs and wants. If you’re ready for some much needed and wanted change, then you may need support as you unravel the people-pleasing patterns, but you CAN DO THIS!

 

People might get upset and try to get you back into your “place”, but if you hold on, and take yourself and your needs seriously, they’ll adjust, somehow…they’ll adjust.

 

If you know it’s your time, and you feel stuck, then get some help in making the changes I’m referring to. They might be scary but they are not impossible. You are worth it…. and trust me, your SOUL Is not going to stop shouting, “I’M. NOT. DONE. YET!” until you do something about it! It’s time to unveil the rest of who you really are. She’s waiting patiently.
Have you put things off? Are you ready for change? Are you afraid of the repercussions if you do change? How has your history taught you to stay put and not make waves?

 

I would love for you to share your thoughts and feelings about this in the Comments section below.
Thank you for reading this. I appreciate your presence here.

 

Janice Masters, The Shaman Mama
www.JaniceMasters.com

 

**If what you just read sparked something in you, then I invite you to check out my intuitively-designed, with-you-in-mind,
Women’s IGNITE YOUR LIFE! Group Coaching Program at  http://shamanmama.flywheelsites.com/ignite-your-life/
Affordable, Exciting, Transformative! Let’s chat if you are interested.

 

***To arrange for an Intuitive Reading or Private Coaching/Mentoring with me send an email to: janmmiami at gmail.com

 

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